I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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