dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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