wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pooping to opera.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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