i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
