i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
