Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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