the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
