they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i now understand why vodka
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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