drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
