My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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