so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
