he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize