the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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