Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
