i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the condom got lost in my hair
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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