I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
