We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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