Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
