Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't EVER smell your tampon
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
