I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
