Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
