I hate your face
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
