are you so shy because you have an std?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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