i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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