I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
