At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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