Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
