; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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