U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
