I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
