i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
