32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
