you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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