I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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