Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
