Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
