soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I came so hard my ears popped.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
