So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
