it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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