I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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