Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
