I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
