Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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