We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
