I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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