I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
