You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize