I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
