I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
