I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he thought i was a dude.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
