so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
