Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
