i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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