no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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