I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
