You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My pussy is not your playground.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
