After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
