Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
