Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
