You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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