Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
