just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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