Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
