Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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