Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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