exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
