I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
