weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
