I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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