One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
