Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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