Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
