Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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