Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
