In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
