Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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