I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
