just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
