My balls are so social today.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
