I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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