Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
