i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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