I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
