You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
