You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
