Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
