I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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