this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
