Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
