The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
that is very illegal...i love you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
