Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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