I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
