Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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