dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
