White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
