I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
